Russian About Themselves

A Russian and an American die and they both go to hell. Satan asks them, "Which hell do you prefer, the Russian or American?"
"What’s the difference?" the Russian asks.
"In the American hell, you will be forced to eat one bucket of waste every day; in the Russian, two," Satan explains.
The American decides to go to the American hell. The Russian, being a patriot, chooses the Russian hell.
One year later the two men run into one another. "How’s life?" the Russian asks.
"Can’t complain," the American answers. "I eat one bucket of waste every morning, and then I’m free for the rest of the day. What about you?"
"It couldn’t be better!" the Russian explains. "Just like back on earth! They’re either late with waste deliveries, or they’re having bucket shortages."

Q: Describe a Russian with German punctuality.
A: A person who is consistently late for work by precisely two hours.

Searching for some hot material in support of his report on the meager living conditions of ordinary Russians, a foreign journalist walks into a local bar favored by working-class folk. He approaches the drunkest visitor and politely asks for an interview.
"Go ahead!" the drunk says.
"In my country every family has a car," the journalist begins, "What about you? Do you have a car?"
"Ye-e-s-s? I do," the drunk says proudly. "In fact, I might have not one car, but two!"
"It’s not possible. How could it be?"
"Well, say I hit you with this mug right now. (Hic.) They will send one car for me and another one for you in no time."