Men & Women

A woman is explaining the kind of man she wants at a dating service:
"He has to be polite, he has to have various interests, he has to know how to have a good conversation, he has to know what’s going on around the world, and he has to never interrupt me."
"You don’t need a man, madam, you need a TV!"

Q: Why are women worse than the mafia?
A: The mafia demands money or your life; women want both.

During a museum tour the guide explains, "Here you can see the statue of Minerva…".
"Excuse me, madam," a visitor interjects. "Who is that man behind her? Is he her husband?"
"No, Minerva wasn’t married: She was the goddess of wisdom."

A group of men manage to get themselves to a small island in the ocean after surviving a ship disaster. The next morning they see a group of women, apparently from the first lifeboat, on a small island a few hundred yards away. The men become excited and get right down to work, discussing their next actions.
"Let’s swim there right now," say the men in their twenties.
"No, let’s build a raft first. We can use that to get there," say the men in their thirties.
"Don’t hurry, guys," say the men in their forties. "Let’s wait for a few hours and the women will get here themselves."
"Why bother at all?" say the men in their fifties. "We can watch them from here!"

"Can you spare some change?" a beggar asks a passerby.
"No, I know you’re going to spend it all on vodka."
"No, sir, I don’t drink."
"Then you’ll gamble it away."
"No, I don’t gamble either, sir."
"Well then, you’re going to spend it on women."
"No, sir, I don’t spend money on women."
"Okay," the passerby finally agrees, finally. "I’m going to give you 100 rubles, if you come with me. I want to show my wife an example of what can happen to a man who has no bad habits."