A client asks the waitress, "Is your vodka fresh tonight?
"What do you mean ‘fresh’, sir?"
"Well, last week I had three bottles here and I was sick the whole day next day…".

After having a few drinks, two friends are talking outside a bar:
"I know an address where we can have a corking good time tonight," says one. "There are two girls. One of them is really good-looking. She’s mine. The second one… well, after you get few more shots of vodka into you, you’ll find her acceptable."
"Okay, let’s go," agrees the other.
The friends arrive at their destination. The doors open, and there they see two young women, just waiting for them. The less fortunate friend pauses to look at the women, then turns to his friend and says, rather skeptically, "It’s not going to work, buddy. I can’t drink that much!"

"Last time I came home, I was so drunk my own children didn’t recognize me."
"What happened after you sobered up?"
"Well, once I was sober enough, I realized I was in the wrong house."