After the tragic death of a Russian official, Russian authorities concluded that he was murdered by three CIA agents. According to a reliable source, their names were Jack Daniels, Jim Beam, and Johnny Walker.

A corrupt cop stops a car and says to the driver, "You have to pay a fine!"
"But why, officer?" protests the driver. "What did I do wrong?"
"And why do you think my children should wait until you do something wrong?"

Passing through a dark alley at night, a man is stopped by two young men, who display rather unfriendly attitudes.
"Hey, man!" one says. "Do you wanna buy a crowbar?"
"No! What would I need a crowbar for?" the man replies.
"Are you sure you don’t wanna buy a crowbar?"
"I’ve already told you no!"
"Well then, give us your wallet!"
"Okay, okay, you guys…how much did you say you wanted for your crowbar?"
"Oh no, smarty; it’s not for sale anymore!"

Two hoodlums are having a chat in their favorite restaurant:
"Did you hear? Ivan the Terrible took five pistol shots in his head yesterday while having an argument with the cops!" one says.
"Is he okay?"
"Yeah, his doctor says he’ll live: Not one of the bullets reached his brain."